Ephesians 5:28-30 "The Principle of Covenant Love" pt.2

Introduction:

Covenant love is binding because it is characterized by sacrifice. We are not just talking about a mere emotional feeling but it is a love that is characterized by the act of Christ laying down His life on behalf of the Church. Christ initiated this act of love on our behalf to make us holy and without blemish for Himself.

The Church is His bride and she will be bound to Christ for all eternity in our union with Him. This is the crowning pentacle of our identity in Christ and so much of what we experience here in the Christian life points us in that direction. We live in the already, not yet dispensation of time where we are with Christ in the spiritual but not yet with Christ in the physical. But it is coming.

One of the institutions that God created for us to experience in the temporal that points us to the eternal is marriage. We have seen in Ephesians 5:22-27 that the Apostle Paul has been giving instruction to women and men on how they are to be reflective of Christ relationship with the Church.

And in our text this morning he continues along those lines in directing husbands to exhibit Christ in their marriages regarding how they love their wives. Look back to verse 28 at what I am calling the Exhibition:

I. The Exhibition (28).

The principle of covenant love is to be exhibited in the marriage. It is initiated by the husband in reflection of Christ. That is what Paul means when he says “in the same way husbands should love their wives.”

That term “should” is not proposing a theoretical concept or a hypothetical idea. Instead it is describing the obligation that the husband has before Christ to reflect His glory in how he loves his wife.

As a husband you should not think that this then obligates me to my wife. You may have heard the saying men, “Happy wife is Happy Life.” Now let’s stop and ponder that possibility. When things are good between you and your wife that may not be such a difficult philosophy to embrace. But when things are not going so well, such a relational philosophy for happiness may difficult to live out.

But husband your obligation to love your wife is not primarily due to your relationship with her. The primary obligation for you to love your wife is due to your relationship with Christ. Joyous fulfillment as a husband is when we find our happiness in living for the glory of Christ in our marriages.

Husband this is what keeps your role as a husband from being an exercise of idolatry. Men usually spend little time reflecting on how the glory of Christ should drive their pursuits of the marriage relationship.

Men can too often make their marriages about their own peace of mind. So they manage their homes from what brings the least resistance from their spouse. Like water poured out on the ground it runs to the point of least resistance. A wife may know this about her husband and she will probably take advantage of this and use her resistance to control and direct her husband in order to get her way.

A man may even be driven by his physical desire of sexual fulfillment. Sex is not and evil thing in the context of marriage as God designed it to be, but marriage cannot be primarily about your sexual gratification. In such cases a wife may then use the sexual relationship to manipulate her husband to get what she wants.

So do I believe that even Christians would make their marriages about something less than the glory of Christ and insert personal desires and to the point of manipulating their spouse in order to get what they want? Well yes I do!

If you believe this is the primary purpose of marriage you have made it about something far less glorious than Christ. You may want the intimate union that Christ has with His church but pursuing the priority of self actually undermines deep relational intimacy.

Intimacy is more than sexual gratification and getting your spouse to see things your way. Intimacy is multi-faceted. Intimacy in marriage is kind of like multiple threads being woven into a fabric where there are layers and weaves that in the end gives the fabric it’s strength, durability and purpose.

Sexual relationship is just one of the threads that are woven into the fabric of intimacy that makes up the relational components of marriage. Wives may prefer the romantic aspects of a relationship. They may like roses or candy or both. They may like to go on a date night and just spend quality time engaging in conversation. Some wives may just want something fixed in the house that she has been asking for.

All of those things have their place but the threads of intimacy are to be woven in such a way that show forth the tapestry of the glory of Christ. This is the ultimate purpose of biblical marriage and if we are settling for less there will always be times when our marriages can seem like a weight upon our shoulders than a means by which God cultivates joy and fulfillment in us through Christ.

Husbands there has to be a higher purpose than your wife to drive you forward to pursue love in relationship with your wife. If your love for Christ and passion for His glory doesn’t burn red hot it will show in your relationship with how you love her.

Men our hearts are fickle and we are easily overcome by our fleshly passions and the motivations driven by our own vanity. Men love Christ with everything you have and love your wife well for the glory of Christ. And do this in the home as an exhibition of Christ glory before your children as a demonstration of what the gospel has done in your life and the life of your wife.

How desperately we need homes that will strive to exhibit this kind of love in the context of covenant families in the church and in our nation. From a biblical perspective this is the only thing that makes sense when the logical and theological truth is extended out in application. Look at verses 29-30:

II. The Extension (29-30).

The logic is seen in every day experience of normalcy. “For no one ever hated his own flesh.” Notice husbands that there is a relational extension between you and your wife like a physical head to a physical body. In all that is normal the head doesn’t hate the body. The head loves the body because the head sees the body as an extension of itself.

A head that hates the body is dysfunctional and in deep need of medical attention before it is too late. All of the heads that are here today all arrived with their bodies in tact. If I were to count heads this morning it would be my sincere desire and hope that every head present brought their bodies with them. Can you imagine a head showing up at church on Sunday morning without their body?

I would say, “It looks like you forgot something.” And they would reply I hate my body I decided to quit taking it with me when I go out.

Pastor that is ridiculous to even consider. It is laughable! Yea we all know it is but when it comes to marriage the relationship between the husband and his wife it is usually thought of as two individuals in a contractual relationship instead of an extension of an inseparable union of being one unit.

When I hit my finger with a hammer my head knows it. When my body needs nourishment my head knows it. My head is actually actively engaged to the nourishment and well-being of my body. The two are deeply interwoven in relationship to one another.

This is why unresolved issue in marriage driven by prideful ambitions are so painful and emotionally damaging. Because it is not two individuals being separated relationally but it is like something sacred and deep that is being torn in two. Like emotional limbs being pulled from the body. Sometimes it is gradual over time and sometimes it comes quick and either are extremely painful.

Husband your wife is an extension of yourself why would you think of your life as being individualized from her in relationship. Why would you not want the best for her and desire to provide her the necessities of spiritual and physical nourishment and well-being?

Ladies, those of you who desire one day to be married don’t waste your time and your affections on a man that plays Christian on Sunday morning and has no spiritual passion to glorify Christ in his life. He won’t treat you like Christ desires you to be treated. You might as well be married to an orangutan, at least you may be able to train an orangutan but a man who has no love and passion for Christ won’t be worth following as your spiritual head.

Because he won’t desire to exhibit Christ nor will he see marriage as an extension of Christ and the Church but a means for his own exploitation to take place for his own selfish gain. This is one of the reasons God put clothes on Adam and Eve after the fall to cover their nakedness. Because God knew how sin would distort the way men and women would relate to one another. Self gratification driven by the flesh would seek to exploit and manipulate for selfish gain and indulgence. And men and women in their sin will do it. They will exploit for their own

No pastor that's not true! Really why then do you think the porn industry is a multi-billion dollar industry in America and the world? Men and women exploiting one another for sexual gratification in exchange for money.

Conclusion:

The only cure for sinful exploitation is life in Christ by sovereign grace. Because sovereign grace initiated covenant love displayed out of sacrifice. Grace is unmerited favor and love came forth to be extended to the unlovable. Nothing in us that was appealing to Him and we brought nothing to the table to contribute to this union or to merit His love and grace to us. He didn’t come to do us harm nor to exploit us but to bless us for the glory of His grace.

Paul told us this early in Ephesians. We read in Ephesians 1:4b-6 that: 4b In love 5 he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

Husbands and wives the plan of redemption is the macro-cosom display to the glory of His grace in relationship to God and marriage is the micro-cosom of the display of His grace in relationship to one another.

Maybe we need to re-calibrate our marriages and our lives as believers this morning to make it all about Him. Confess our sin and rest in His grace in all of our relationships, with God and one another.

Unbeliever, the only cure for exploitation is life in Christ by sovereign grace. The gospel puts the focus on Christ and it calls to trust in Him by faith alone for salvation. As a Christian Christ calls us to take up our cross, die to self, and follow Him.

Believe the gospel! Let’s Pray!